Ahh! It’s so good to be home again and back in your inbox after the holidays :).
I hope it was an awesome time for you, and that your 2015 is off to a fabulous start.
Taking some time to visit my parents in the warm and sunny Dominican Republic was great for me. It’s always one of those times that become unforgettable.
I loved the meaningful conversations with mom and dad, going for long runs and warm swims on the beach with my beloved, and my mom’s cooking, definitely my favorite.
This year, I had to incorporate work with my holidays as some of my clients are in the fast track to finding true love. I have specially enjoyed working with Laura.
For the past four years, Laura has made the same New Year’s Romantic Resolution: to get married and eventually start a family, to loose 15 pounds, and to write a non-fiction novel.
Just like Laura, two out of every five people in the US, begin every year with good intentions and a list. But like most who make New Year’s Resolutions, by the time Spring comes, everything has being forgotten.
What goes wrong?
Laura’s problem and the difficulty most people face in keeping their resolutions is that changing a behavior involves more than simply vowing to do so. It’s a lot more. So, whether you want to find your soulmate, drop 10 pounds or write a book, here are most effective tips that can help you.
1. Make your vow something you really want at heart, not just something you think you should do. Altering habits requires your time and energy; if you’re not going after something you really want, you are setting yourself up for failure, when instead what you really want to achieve is success.
2. Be specific and realistic about your goals. State your goals in incremental, measurable, specific terms. Be certain it’s attainable, too. Ex. To go from zero to being married and getting pregnant this year may be too long of a distance to travel in that short period of time (even though I have seen it happened to some of my clients!). Instead of vowing to “get married this year,” state that you will start dating by Jan 30th, have a stable and fulfilling romantic relationship by June 15, etc.
3. Accentuate the positive. When you just say no, you’re reminding yourself of what you can’t have or can’t do. Instead of saying “I won’t date anyone who is not yet divorced,” say “I will only date men who really want a stable relationship, marriage and are emotionally available”.
4. Believe in yourself. Positive self-talk, affirmations and encouragement really do help. Even if it doesn’t work out with the first person you date, that doesn’t mean you’re doomed to failure. Be easy on yourself if you lapse. Ex. Finding your soulmate and start creating an everlasting relationship could sometimes be a two-steps-forward, one-step-back process. Remind yourself that every step forward and back, is really only taking you closer to your true love.
5. Set your goals in short, manageable steps rather than one giant leap. Easy does it. Start slowly. Start with a plan and divide it in small “easy to achieve” chunks. Start by setting your intention and making the decision, then plan your strategy and start dating. If you are doing online dating commit to spend at least 30 minutes online every day, go on at least one date every week, etc.
Sooner than you think you will find love. Yes. It’s that simple.
As for Laura, we started working together in November. Back then she was broken inside as her last boyfriend had dumped her for someone much younger than her. She was sad, frustrated about men and had totally given up. In the past, she would usually go out with exciting men. Men which at the same time were elusive and unpredictable.
We discussed her romantic goals and what hasn’t worked in the past for her. She realized that she has been going out with the same type of men and kept behaving in the same self-sabotaging way, making it impossible for her to have a joyful and solid relationship.
We devoted a couple of sessions to the only purpose of improving her relationship skills, her awareness and understanding about all types of men, which behaviors to praise and which to never tolerate in them. We planned for her to meet a different type of men than the one she was used to date. Men, who are consistent, kind, interested and who, like her, are also interested in a stable relationship, marriage and in starting a family.
As part of her dating strategies, she started dating online. I wrote her an amazing online profile that defines her as a woman, and she got extraordinary attention from men. I taught her how to reply and send messages that make men even more interested in her, and at the same time create a connection with the potential candidate. She then learned how to take it from the computer to the phone, from the phone to a real date, then a second date and so on.
The first couple of weeks, she went out on two dates with two different men, and had a pretty good time but neither one of them pass the check list that we created.
At the end of November, Laura met Robert. They went out on a first date, then a second date, then a third date…Every day he would call and text her. Before the end of every date he would make plans to see her again. He also introduced her to his best friends.
Laura really likes his great communication skills, his depth, his generosity and kindness to everyone, not just her. What she likes the most about him is how invested he is in her and the effort he puts in following up on her.
On New Year’s Eve, after going out for 5 weeks, Robert told Laura that he is in love with her, that he sees lots of potential for a future together and that he wants them to be exclusive. And they both put down their profiles on match.com
This is what I call a great start to a year. Hooray for Laura and Robert!
The best news is that if it happened to Laura, it can happen to you .
What changes do you truly long to make in your love life this year? I would love to hear about your 2015 resolutions, please share them with me below.